Last year saying goodbye to 2012 seemed MUCH different from what I'm experiencing this year as I bid a fond farewell to 2013. My New Years post last year consisted of "2012 can kiss my ASS. Hellooooooo 2013!". This year I'm finding I'm not quite as resentful or so quick to be rid of the year. In 2012 alone I experienced quite a bit of loss, from my brother, to my grandmother, my job, my home, even my life on two occasions.......miraculously I've been able to recover from just about every loss. Of course my heart will always break when I think of my precious brother, whose young life was taken much too soon after a very quick yet devastating battle with Cancer. My heart will always fail, but 2013 has brought healing and strengthening to the weak muscle sitting center in my chest. My heart will always long for a home......though 2013 did not give me a permanent home, I do find myself well on my way to finding that special place. Shortly after 2013 began I gained employment by a little company known as Good Life Services, and through Good Life I have begun my journey towards realizing my dreams come true.
As I bid farewell to 2013 I do so with a grateful heart. Has it all been fun and games? Absolutely NOT. Was it easy to keep the forward momentum throughout 2013? Hell to the NO......but somehow I managed to keep stepping ahead. Those steps have brought me to a much improved state of life, and for that I will be forever grateful.
I could be like most and make promises and resolutions about things such as my weight, my financial status, my relationship status, promising to be a better person, yadda yadda yadda. To me those things don't matter all that much when I look at the bigger picture. What I look forward to the most in 2014 is seeing just how many steps I can take towards my dreams. 2013 was just the beginning, and I believe with a WHOLE heart that the things I've dreamed of for so long can actually come to fruition. It won't come naturally or easily, it will require an unbelievable amount of work and sacrifice. Do I expect ALL of my dreams to come true in 2014? Absolutely not, but I do believe I will be closer than I am at this point by the end of the year, and any kind of improvement can be considered a victory. In 2014 I hope to be able to stand by the sides of many that I love and watch their dreams come true. Just as I believe in my own dream, I believe they too are able to accomplish anything they set their HEART to. As Strawberry Shortcake would say "Any dream can come true, first you just gotta believe". Amen, sister. May we all begin to believe, not just in our own dreams but in the goodness of others. May we all be able to hold our heads high and with confidence as we venture out into the world. May we ll forgive and love one another no matter how great the pain of the past may be. May we all keep Hope alive that a better day is coming. May we all look for the positive in every situation, especially the most painful of situations. May we all simply love and respect one another......there's something to be said about the state of our world today. There is a SEVERE lack of humanity amongst us. It only takes one entity to spark the flames of Humanity........may we all be that spark and set this world on fire. There is nothing more powerful than love.....call me a modern day hippie but I am a true "make love, not war" and "peace, love and kindness" kinda gal.
Goodbye 2013, you've been very good to me........and HELLOOOOO 2014, I'm so glad to see you, my friend;)
Much love.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Reflections
For several years I've been on this journey....one that has found me transitioning from a life I was very familiar with to one that honestly I could never have imagined for myself. For so long my thoughts of what it meant to have a happy life was to have a picture perfect marriage, to have a nice house with really nice cars taking us to as many vacations, events and adventures as possible. Clothing has never really been that big of a deal to me, as long as I was covered it was all good with me. Jewelery.....the only piece I wore was a nice fat Karat Princess Cut diamond on my wedding finger. A good life meant a successful career, being actively involved in any and all church functions, looking and speaking as others would expect me to.....
A few years ago that world came crashing down on me. At the time I felt it was the most devastating thing I would ever face. The pain, the reality of that life falling apart, it almost took me out of this world altogether. Three years later I find myself a very different person, both inside and out. My dreams are the same as they were before.....I long for that loving and happy marriage, one that I can love and cherish my spouse just as much as they love and cherish me. I long for that successful career, for that home that is filled with love, life and happiness through every square inch. I long for a place where I can once again tell my life story through song, writing, singing.....any way possible. I long for the freedom to live as the person God truly meant for me to be, without fear of public opinion or ridicule.
Only difference between then and now is that these dreams and aspirations have taken a whole new turn. That marriage was not meant to be with that person I was with so many years ago. The career wasn't necessarily meant to be in the corporate world I had grown accustomed to. The idea of singing was not meant to be limited to the church crowd alone. The person God intended me to be turned out to be completely different than anything I'd envisioned before.
Tonight I'm thankful that God put this much time and energy prepping me for His work. I'm thankful that He has taken me past those boundaries of fear and uncertainty, and pushed me down a path of self discovery. No matter how painful my journey has been, I'm forever thankful that He chose to lead me as He has never led me before. Christmas Eve 2013 I find myself wondering what God has in store for this next era of my life.....I also find myself fully willing to be led, molded and made into EXACTLY who He wants me to be.
Much Love.
A few years ago that world came crashing down on me. At the time I felt it was the most devastating thing I would ever face. The pain, the reality of that life falling apart, it almost took me out of this world altogether. Three years later I find myself a very different person, both inside and out. My dreams are the same as they were before.....I long for that loving and happy marriage, one that I can love and cherish my spouse just as much as they love and cherish me. I long for that successful career, for that home that is filled with love, life and happiness through every square inch. I long for a place where I can once again tell my life story through song, writing, singing.....any way possible. I long for the freedom to live as the person God truly meant for me to be, without fear of public opinion or ridicule.
Only difference between then and now is that these dreams and aspirations have taken a whole new turn. That marriage was not meant to be with that person I was with so many years ago. The career wasn't necessarily meant to be in the corporate world I had grown accustomed to. The idea of singing was not meant to be limited to the church crowd alone. The person God intended me to be turned out to be completely different than anything I'd envisioned before.
Tonight I'm thankful that God put this much time and energy prepping me for His work. I'm thankful that He has taken me past those boundaries of fear and uncertainty, and pushed me down a path of self discovery. No matter how painful my journey has been, I'm forever thankful that He chose to lead me as He has never led me before. Christmas Eve 2013 I find myself wondering what God has in store for this next era of my life.....I also find myself fully willing to be led, molded and made into EXACTLY who He wants me to be.
Much Love.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Time to Confess
WOW.....FINALLY I take a step to start a blog site. It's been part of a dream (part of a VERY LARGE dream), but it seems as if Life has been way too busy for me to settle down and start talking. It hasn't helped that every time I begin to write I draw a complete blank, it almost feels as if there's just too much to say to fit into one post. I've always been one to use words (many, MANY words) to express myself, whether through written word, spoken word or song.....I will use whatever outlet I can to tell my story. For many years I've wanted to write a book about my life, but I've found it extremely hard to go back and begin writing about the past when there was so much going on in the present. And you can forget predicting the future because each time I think I have it all figured out, my life takes a turn in a very different direction.
Who is Jen, you may ask? I like to think of myself as a simple kind of gal, though many would say I'm an individual with many complex layers. I believe in the whole 60's revolution, from the music to the overall message of humanity (aka "Make love not war"). I believe that love is the answer to many of the issues in our society today. I believe in redemption and second chances, I believe in forgiveness and compassion to even our worst enemy. I believe in dreams come true and I believe in a little thing called Faith. I am a 35 year old mother of four (two are my step daughters). I am divorced and have recently been remarried to a man I was friends with in High School (odd how things can change over the course of 15 years). I am a "medically retired" former employee of a corporate insurance giant. I live with a heart disease that has attempted to take me from this world two times over the past year and a half, but by the grace of God alone I can boldly say I am a SURVIVOR.
There is no rhyme or reason to this blog other than to have an outlet to voice my own perceptions of life and share my pursuit of happiness. I am a dreamer, with all of my heart I believe that Dreams really can come true. For so long now I've not been confident enough in my ability to achieve that Dream and I've remained frozen in place by fears of failure, but there came a day where I had to say enough is enough, it's time to move forward. I call this blog "Confessions Of An Unruly Mind". I invite you to join in this journey with me. My hope is that these "confessions" will somehow inspire another. I have a saying...."It only takes one entity to spark the flames of Humanity"......I want to be one who starts the wildfire.
Here's to stepping, friends.
Who is Jen, you may ask? I like to think of myself as a simple kind of gal, though many would say I'm an individual with many complex layers. I believe in the whole 60's revolution, from the music to the overall message of humanity (aka "Make love not war"). I believe that love is the answer to many of the issues in our society today. I believe in redemption and second chances, I believe in forgiveness and compassion to even our worst enemy. I believe in dreams come true and I believe in a little thing called Faith. I am a 35 year old mother of four (two are my step daughters). I am divorced and have recently been remarried to a man I was friends with in High School (odd how things can change over the course of 15 years). I am a "medically retired" former employee of a corporate insurance giant. I live with a heart disease that has attempted to take me from this world two times over the past year and a half, but by the grace of God alone I can boldly say I am a SURVIVOR.
There is no rhyme or reason to this blog other than to have an outlet to voice my own perceptions of life and share my pursuit of happiness. I am a dreamer, with all of my heart I believe that Dreams really can come true. For so long now I've not been confident enough in my ability to achieve that Dream and I've remained frozen in place by fears of failure, but there came a day where I had to say enough is enough, it's time to move forward. I call this blog "Confessions Of An Unruly Mind". I invite you to join in this journey with me. My hope is that these "confessions" will somehow inspire another. I have a saying...."It only takes one entity to spark the flames of Humanity"......I want to be one who starts the wildfire.
Here's to stepping, friends.
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