Reflections

For several years I've been on this journey....one that has found me transitioning from a life I was very familiar with to one that honestly I could never have imagined for myself.  For so long my thoughts of what it meant to have a happy life was to have a picture perfect marriage, to have a nice house with really nice cars taking us to as many vacations, events and adventures as possible.  Clothing has never really been that big of a deal to me, as long as I was covered it was all good with me.  Jewelery.....the only piece I wore was a nice fat Karat Princess Cut diamond on my wedding finger.  A good life meant a successful career, being actively involved in any and all church functions, looking and speaking as others would expect me to.....

A few years ago that world came crashing down on me.  At the time I felt it was the most devastating thing I would ever face.  The pain, the reality of that life falling apart, it almost took me out of this world altogether.  Three years later I find myself a very different person, both inside and out.  My dreams are the same as they were before.....I long for that loving and happy marriage, one that I can love and cherish my spouse just as much as they love and cherish me.  I long for that successful career, for that home that is filled with love, life and happiness through every square inch.  I long for a place where I can once again tell my life story through song, writing, singing.....any way possible.  I long for the freedom to live as the person God truly meant for me to be, without fear of public opinion or ridicule.

Only difference between then and now is that these dreams and aspirations have taken a whole new turn.  That marriage was not meant to be with that person I was with so many years ago.  The career wasn't necessarily meant to be in the corporate world I had grown accustomed to.  The idea of singing was not meant to be limited to the church crowd alone.  The person God intended me to be turned out to be completely different than anything I'd envisioned before.

Tonight I'm thankful that God put this much time and energy prepping me for His work.  I'm thankful that He has taken me past those boundaries of fear and uncertainty, and pushed me down a path of self discovery.  No matter how painful my journey has been, I'm forever thankful that He chose to lead me as He has never led me before.  Christmas Eve 2013 I find myself wondering what God has in store for this next era of my life.....I also find myself fully willing to be led, molded and made into EXACTLY who He wants me to be.

Much Love.